It's Gonna Be Okay, Baby
by 2Jesse's1city
Summary: What happens when Jay doesn't get there in time when Erin has been kidnapped. Set 3x11 when Erin almost gets raped. Trigger Warning: Rape.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! So I'm back! I'm trying to get back into the flow of writing with this fic. There is a trigger warning for rape in this story. Anyways, enjoy and please review!**

 **...**

"Lindsay's at the same location." Mouse said through the phone.

"Alright, got it. Thanks." Jay replied, panting. He needed to find her.

"Left on Warbash!" He shouted to Antonio, banging on the dashboard.

 **...**

She couldn't breathe. The stench of what ever they used to drug her, stuck at the back of her throat. All she could do was cough.

She felt vulnerable. Erin Lindsay felt vulnerable because she never let herself get into a position to feel that way. Except for now.

She continued to struggle against the bounds. Hoping that maybe she could break free. She couldn't.

Erin could hear people whispering. They were probably discussing what to do with her. Kidnapping a Chicago Cop was suicide.

Suddenly, a tall man walked into the room. When the door opened, she could see Tawny and Spence looking at her with no emotion in their eyes. The tall guy had a kitchen knife in his hand.

He walked over to her, as she struggled some more. He put one knee on the bed and leaned over her. The knife was as her neck as he stuck his nose in her her.

"Get off of me." Erin tried to speak, through the gag over her mouth.

"Relax." He whispered, his breath reeked of alcohol.

She tried to kick him, but her legs were tied together too tightly. When he moved away, she unsuccessfully tried to scoot over to the overside of the bed.

She turned her head to see him put the blade on the nightstand and walk over to the other side of the room. He shot up on what ever drug he was using before making his way back over to her. Erin tried to get free again but it just wasn't working. She was getting tired.

He leant back over her and put the knife back in it's place, on her neck. He was disgustingly close to her. She could feel his erection against her ass. She wanted to throw up. This was all so fucked up.

He put one of his arms around her waist and pulled her closer into him and started to grind his crotch against her backside.

That's when she felt the tears coming. Where was her team? Where was Jay? Weren't they coming for her?

His hand made it's way across her front where he viciously ripped her shirt open, showing her plain black bra.

It didn't take him long to have that off aswell. All Erin could do was keep moving, keep his hands off of her. It didn't work.

He grabbed at her breast, which sent a sharp pain go around her body. How was this happening to her?#

 **...**

As soon as the door was down, Jay ran through the house, looking for his partner. He saw Ruzek and Atwater go after Tawny and Spence so he could find Erin.

When he heard her scream, he knew exactly what was going on. He ran up the stairs as fast as he possibly could to the room where the unthinkable was happening to Erin.

He felt his feet moving faster. How could he have let this happen to her? He should have never have let her gone. She was his girlfriend. She was his partner.

When Jay found himself in front of the door, he aggressively pushed it open. What he saw on the other side was something that he never wanted to see.

He slowly and quietly walked into the room. He didn't want to startle the guy, in case he had a weapon and he didn't want to startle Erin either.

The man had his pants and underwear around he ankles. His ass clenching as he thrusted into Erin.

He was too late.

He walked closer to Erin, she wasn't making any sound. When she saw him, he put a finger up to his lips, showing her to be quiet.

Jay could see that she was in pain. He was in pain for her. He walked up and put his gun against the back of the scumbag's head.

"Put the knife down." Jay sternly said.

"You shoot, she's dead." He snickered.

"Put the knife down. Pull out. I won't ask again."

"Make m-" Before he could finish his sentence, Jay shot and the knife fell to the floor.

Jay grabbed his lifeless body by the neck and pulled him off Erin.

The fear in her eye was hard not to miss. Her top half was bare, the only clothing she had on was her ripped panties.

He quickly untied her and took the gag off. She said nothing. Jay looked down to see how much damage the disgusting man had done to her.

The most sensitive part of her body was red and cut. He could see that she was bleeding.

"Hey, you're okay, baby." He whispered. He didn't know if he was lying or not. She was so stiff in his arms. She needed to know that she was safe. "He can't hurt you anymore."

With that, she loosened in his arms and started to sob. He held her tight, being careful not to hurt her.

He heard someone walk into the room, so he covered Erin up with his jacket.

Jay turned his head to see Antonio. He was just grateful that it wasn't Voight. Hank didn't need to see Erin like this.

"Call an ambo." Jay said to Antonio. She needed a hospital.

Erin was in surgery. That bastard had damaged her so badly that she needed surgery.

 **...**

As soon as they had arrived at the hospital, Nat and Will had been waiting for them. Erin needed people that she knew and trusted.

Hank hadn't been by yet. He was mad. He had both Tawny and Spence back at the district.

"Jay." Natalie said as she walked over to him.

"Is she okay?" Jay asked. Fear laced his voice.

"She's going to be fine." Nat replied. "Physically, anyway."

"Meaning?" Jay questioned.

"Jay, the damage done was brutal. She's going to be in a lot pain. Not just physically but mentally too."

Jay nodded. "When can I see her?"

"Soon."

He was going to try so hard to make things right.

 **...**

Jay was sat in Chicago Med's waiting room for another forty-five minutes before Erin's nurse told him that he was allowed to see her.

He was nervous. He was afraid that she would hate him for not coming for her sooner.

When Jay got to her room, he pulled the glass door open to see her sat upright in her bed.

"Hey." He whispered.

"You're here." She muttered.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be, baby?" Jay asked, shock filling his voice.

"Because I thought that maybe you'd think that I'm disgusting." Erin mumbled.

"Erin." Jay Replied. "I could never think that you're disgusting."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm also sure of one thing else."

"Yeah, and what's that?"

"It's gonna be okay, baby."

...

 **A/N: So, that was very difficult to write. I hope I did okay. I've never been in that situation. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Next update will be on Tuesday. Thank you all so much for reading. Please Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the follows, favourites and reviews. I love reading them. Anyways, enjoy the chapter!**

 **...**

It had been a whole week already. It hasn't been as bad as she thought it would have been, but that didn't mean that she was sleeping.

Both Jay and Hank had been making her go to a therapist twice a week. Today was her second appointment.

"Erin Lindsay." The receptionist said.

Erin heard her name being called and got up onto her feet. She was nervous.

She followed the young receptionist to a little room down a hallway.

The blonde girl knocked on the door before opening it, showing Erin that she could enter.

"Erin. Hello." Dr Laken, her therapist, greeted.

"Hi." Erin whispered back.

"How are you doing?" Dr Laken asked, even though Erin knew that she knew exactly how she was feeling.

"Great." She sarcastically replied.

Erin really didn't want to be there. She wanted to be by herself, in her own place. She didn't need help.

"I spoke to your boss, yesterday." Dr Laken stated. What the hell was he talking to Hank for?

"Why?" Erin shot back. More harsh than she expected.

"He told me that you're not sleeping."

"I sleep fine." Erin lied. "In fact, I sleep great."

"Erin." Dr Laken started. "I read people for a living. There's no point in lying."

With that, Erin shrugged. She refused to open up to a stranger. She didn't even open up to her boyfriend.

"Fine." Erin huffed. "I don't sleep, well, I sleep for about five minutes before the images come."

"Can you tell me about what you see?" The doctor asked.

"Him. I see him." Erin replied. "Every time I close my eyes, I see his sickening smirk. I feel him. I feel him inside of me."

Once Erin was finished, she blushed. She hadn't meant to say all of that. She hadn't even told Jay any of that.

"That is very normal, Erin." Dr Laken replied. "It has only been a week."

Erin bowed her head in shame. Everyone had told her that it wasn't her fault and that the only person to blame was the bastard who did this to her, but she still felt like it was her own fault.

She remained quiet. She didn't know what to say to the doctor. She just wanted the pain to go away.

"It's okay to talk about it." The doctor reassured. "It's okay to feel pain and to cry."

"Crying is a weakness." Erin muttered.

"Erin. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I am going to suggest that you sometimes let go. I'm also going to suggest that you talk you you're boyfriend. You need support." Dr Laken explained.

"You're prescribing me my boyfriend?" Erin chuckled.

"I sure am."

...

Jay wasn't used to having a day off. Hank had given both him and Erin the Saturday off work because of Erin's appointment.

He wasn't finding it hard. She would cry every night in the shower, thinking that he couldn't hear her.

He just wanted to help her.

Jay was sat in his apartment, waiting for Erin to call him to pick her up. She had been staying with him since the attack.

She had told him that she wanted to be alone but he didn't listen. She had tried to push him away but he didn't let her. He was going to be there for her.

He was sat on his couch, a cup of water in his hand, waiting to see his girl again.

It felt like forever before he heard his phone ringing. He hopped off of the couch and made his way over to the kitchen island where his phone was vibrating.

"Hey, baby." Jay greeted. "Are you done?"

"Yeah." Erin quietly replied.

"Do you want me to come and get you?" He asked kindly.

"Yeah." Erin said again. He could tell that she wasn't okay. That didn't mean that he wasn't going to ask when he saw her.

"Okay, baby." He answered. "I'll be there in ten."

...

He wasn't stupid. Erin knew that Jay wasn't going to ask her how it went and she knew that she would answer the same thing, like normal.

She was fine.

She was sat outside the clinic on a bench when he pulled up. She didn't think she was ready to tell Jay how she truly felt but she was going to listen to her shrink. She wanted things to go back to normal. She wanted to go back to the tough cop that she was, not the broken girl that she had become.

He pulled the car up to the front of the building, where she was sat. When Erin saw him climbing out of the vehicle, she jumped up and walked into his arms.

At first, he was shocked. They hadn't been this close since the day she was attack. Since he found her. Jay didn't mind, though. He just wanted her to get better. Sure, he missed her. He missed being close to her but he could take care of him self. She just needed to get better. He could go his whole life without having sex with her again, if that meant she was okay.

When he realised that she was hugging him, he hesitantly wrapped his own arms around her. She just squeezed him tighter as her body began to shake. She has finally broken.

Jay didn't think that this was the right place for her to let out her feelings because there was people around so he wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up, carrying her to the car.

He sat them both in the driver's seat and held onto her tighter. Jay slowly began to rock her as her sobs continued to fall out of her mouth.

"It's gonna be okay, baby." He soothed into her ear as he held onto her.

...

After twenty minutes of sitting in the clinic parking lot, Erin had finally stopped crying. Jay was glad that she had opened up to her but he hated seeing her in such a state.

Erin was silent for the rest of the journey. She was embarrassed. Jay didn't try to talk to her, he was saving that for when they were home.

Once they got up to Jay's apartment, Erin went straight to the couch whilst Jay walked into the kitchen to get her a glass of water.

Jay walked back towards Erin and sat down next to her, giving her the water.

"Talk to me." He whispered. "Talk to me, baby."

"Make love to me." She blurted out. "I need stuff to go back to normal. I need to be normal."

"Erin, you're not healed and you sure as hell are not ready." Jay replied a little harsher than he meant to.

"What? Don't you want me?" She accused. "Is it because I'm broken? Am I not beautiful to you anymore?"

Jay could tell that she was getting upset. He was not going to take advantage of her and hurt her. He loved her too much to do that.

"Off course I want you!" Jay replied, loudly. "But you are not ready. You can't even sleep at night without seeing him, without hurting!"

"You should have just let him kill me!" She shouted. Jay had no idea where all of this was coming from. "It's all your fault that I have to feel like this!"

Jay knew that arguing with her was a shitty move. She needed to let her anger out. He needed to be her punching bag.

"I wasn't going to leave you to die." Jay whispered.

"You should have!" Erin cried.

Jay pulled her into him and clung onto her so hard that she couldn't pull back, even if she wanted to. They both needed this.

They were going to be okay. He was going to make sure of it.

"It's gonna be okay, baby." He whispered into her hair.

"Why do you keep saying that?" She mumbled.

"Because it's true."

With that, Erin snuggled herself into Jay's chest. For the first time in a week, she believed him.

 **...**

 **A/N: I'm sorry if that wasn't long enough. It felt like a good place to stop. Thank you for reading though! Please review, follow and favourite :) See ya on Tuesday!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again! I'm sorry I'm a day late! It wouldn't upload on my phone so I had to wait until this morning to post. Sorry! This story is nearly finished. I don't want to drag it on so there's only going to be a few more chapters. Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. It really makes my day! Anyways, please enjoy :)**

 **Warning: Mention of child sexual abuse**

 **...**

It had been five weeks. Five whole weeks since it had happened. People had told her that it would get better and it had, well her body had healed but her and Jay were growing apart.

it wasn't because of sex. That was for sure. It was because she was hiding from him. All Jay wanted was for her to talk to him. He felt hopeless and he knew that she was building walls.

Jay had finally gone back to work and Erin was happy about that. She felt awful for being glad but he was always there. He hadn't slept at his place since it had happened. Erin knew that he was trying to help but she needed time to herself.

He had been back at work for a week and Erin could finally be able to watch TV without him asking her if she was okay, or if she needed anything. She just wanted to sit down without talking.

They hadn't spoke much lately. Jay would ask her a question and she would answer with a short answer or a not of her head.

Erin had thought that when she let all of her feelings out to Jay, things would get better. But they didn't. It felt like he was patronising her and acting like she was a fragile little girl because she has cried to him.

 **...**

It was nearing six in the evening when Jay came home from work. Erin hadn't done much that day. She was too tired from not sleeping.

When Jay opened the door, he saw Erin sat on the couch with a bottle of beer in her hand. She had the football on.

"Hey baby." Jay sweetly greeted. Erin felt so guilty for feeling the way she did. Jay was so good to her and she didn't deserve him.

Erin just nodded towards him. She was too tired to answer him.

"Are you okay?" He asked. A hint of worry in his voice.

"I'm fine!" Erin snapped. He was constantly asking her if she was okay. It was the only thing he ever asked her. "Just stop asking!"

"Woah. Baby, calm down!" Jay replied, raising his voice slightly.

"I don't want to calm down! I want everyone to stop asking if I'm okay!" Erin shouted. Jay stood by the door, speechless. "I'm not okay, Jay! I'm not okay because I was raped. I feel disgusting and dirty all the time because of what he did to me. I don't sleep because of what he did to. I cant even make fucking love to the love of my life because of what he did to me! So, no Jay, I'm not okay!"

Erin hadn't meant to lash out like that but she had, had enough. Did people really expect her to be okay?

"I'm so fed up with people asking and telling me that I'm going to okay. It's been five weeks, Jay. Five fucking weeks and nothing has changed. Yeah, I may sleep one night out the week but I'm stuck in this apartment and you're always here! I don't know if you forgot, but this is my apartment, not yours!" Erin exclaimed, the tears starting to fall.

"Is that really how you feel?" Jay quietly asked. It's like Erin could see his world being destroyed through his eyes. She felt dreadful.

Erin nodded.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Erin nodded.

"Okay." Jay started. "I'll be back later though." He wasn't just going to leave her.

"Jay." Erin pleaded.

"No!" Jay yelled, the dam finally breaking. "I get that you're in pain, Erin, but you cannot just expect me to leave you! I. Love. You. Erin, how do you expect me to help you if you won't ever talk to me. Let me help You!"

"I don't want to talk to you! I have a therapist for that." Erin replied, raising her voice again. "Do you know how embarrassing it is that I managed to get myself into that situation and now I can't even satisfy you."

"I don't care about sex!" He barked. "I can handle myself, Erin."

"I just want to be alone." She snarled. "Why don't you go to Molly's, hang with the guys and maybe find someone to fuck. You deserve it."

"Don't you ever say that again!" He replied in disbelief. "I'm not going to cheat on you because we can't have sex."

"No. I can't have sex."

"I'm going to go see Will, Nat and Owen. I'll be back later." Jay explained. "Don't do anything stupid."

 **...**

Erin didn't know what to do. She thought that she wanted to be alone but now that he was gone, she didn't know what to do.

She felt like a complete bitch. She knew that she was being unfair but she just wanted everything to go back to normal.

She wanted to call Hank but she knew that he would make her go to her shrink more than once a week and he'd probably make her move back in with him.

So Erin decided to call Natalie. She knew that Jay was going there but ever since her and Jay started dating, Erin and Nat had gotten quite close.

Erin and Jay would go over to Will's and Natalie's apartment and watch the game. Owen was practically Jay's nephew so it was good that they got to spend time together.

Erin reached over to the coffee table and grabbed her cell phone. She dialled Nat's number and let it ring.

"Erin?" Nat asked through the phone.

"Hey, Nat." Erin replied. "Is he there yet?"

"He just got here. He's really upset Erin, he thinks you don't love him anymore." Natalie explained.

"I was harsh, Nat. But I don't deserve him. He needs to move on." Erin answered.

"Don't be so silly, Erin. I'm coming over." Natalie exclaimed.

"Nat..."

"I'm coming over, Erin."

 **...**

He couldn't think straight. She didn't want him around. By the sounds of it, she hadn't wanted him around for a while.

Sure, he didn't know the exact feeling that she experience but he knew what it was like to be sexually assaulted.

Only a few people knew about what happened to Jay. Will was the first person to find out. Jay was only thirteen when it happened, Will was sixteen.

Will had been the one that Jay had gone too after it happened. Will hadn't known what to do. Their mom had died months before and their dad was a lazy drunk who sat in front of the TV all day.

 _September Sixth 2000_

 _Will was sat in his room on a Tuesday after school. Jay had gone over to park across the street but it was getting late and Will was getting worried about his little brother. Jay didn't have a cell phone yet so it's not like he could even call him._

 _Will decided to wait a extra ten minutes before he went to look for Jay. When that ten minutes ended, he walked down the stairs, grabbed his coat and left the house._

 _Even though it was only September, it was cold out. Jay new what time to be home and that was an hour ago._

 _Will made his way down the street to where the playground was. It was dark out but he could see that the park was empty._

 _He decided that he was gonna walk around the block to see if he could find Jay. If he couldn't, he was going to go to the Corson's. They would be better hope than his dad._

 _When Will still couldn't find Jay, he didn't know what to do so he started calling out for Jay._

 _"Jay!" Will shouted. He had a really bad feeling. "Jay!"_

 _"Will." He heard a small whisper come from somewhere in the dark. He could have easily missed it, it was that quiet._

 _"Jay! Where are you?" Will yelled. He got no reply. It wasn't until he saw Jay's bicycle across the street that he knew where he was._

 _Will ran across the street and down the small, thin alley way._

 _When he saw a small body on the floor, behind a dumpster, he was afraid to go any closer._

 _"Jay." Will whispered, walking closer._

 _He was shocked at what he was seeing. Jay was curled up in a fetal position, in only his underwear._

 _"Buddy, what happened?" Will quietly asked. He was pretty sure he knew exactly what happened but just in case (hopefully) he was wrong, he had to asked._

 _Jay lifted his head up from the cold, stone floor. Will saw that he had been crying because his eyes were bright red._

 _"He touched me." Jay whispered, tears falling down his face again. "He made me touch him and then he took my clothes."_

 _"Oh god. Buddy, it's gonna be okay." Will replied. He felt so bad. Jay had asked him to go to the playground with him but he said no because he had to do homework. If he had gone with his little brother, it wouldn't have happened._

 _"I want mom." Jay cried. "Why did mom die?"_

 _"Hey, its gonna be okay, Buddy." Will informed. "I'm gonna carry you, and we're going to go see Mrs Corson."_

 _"No!" Jay exclaimed as Will lifted him up, into his arms. "Allie can't see me like this."_

 _"Jay." Will pleaded. "It's eleven at night. Allie will be in bed."_

 _"Okay."_

 _As Will began to move, Jay wrapped his arms around Will's neck. They both made their way down the street until Will got to the Corson's house. Jay was completely still in his arms but he could feel his little brother breathing so Will knew that he was okay._

 _Will knocked on the door, not too loudly because thirteen year old Allie and one year old Ben were probably asleep._

 _When the door opened, Will saw a very shocked Gail Corson at the door._

 _"Will?" She asked, shock filling her voice. "What happened."_

 _Gail stepped to the side to let Will into the house. "I don't know. I found him like this."_

 _They all walked into the living room where Will placed Jay on the couch. Danny was sat in the armchair, opposite._

 _"What happened to Jay?" He asked._

 _Silence. Jay was lying down with his arms wrapped around himself._

 _"Danny, go and get a blanket." Gail instructed. "Jay, sweetie. Talk to me."_

 _"He touched me." Jay whispered, as Danny came back with the blanket. Gail took the blanket from Danny and placed over Jay, pulling the small boy into her lap._

 _"Who did, sweetie?" Gail asked._ _Jay well and truly trusted Gail._

 _"Mr Davies." Jay said, barely a whisper._

 _"I'm gonna kill him!" Will screamed, heading for the door._

 _Quentin Davies was a gym teacher in their school. He had been accused of similar things before but there had been no evidence against him._

 _"William!" Gail warned. Gail and Danny always been close to Jay and Will. They considered themselves family. "Calm down. Danny, call the cops."_

 _The cops showed up five minutes later. Jay had made everyone promise not to tell his dad because he didn't want him to be ashamed._

It turned out, there was a security camera what had caught Davies assaulting Jay. He was put away for forty years with multiple charges of child abuse and sexual abuse of tender aged children.

Jay's father had never found out. It was tough for him at first to get threw the pain of being sexual abused but he had people to help him.

Still only a few amount of people knew what happened to him. Voight did know but he had promised that he wouldn't mention it to anyone. Jay was still slightly embarrassed.

Jay was sat on the couch in Will's and Natalie's apartment when Will brought it up. Nat had said she was going to the 'store' but Jay knew where she was going. Jay had already filled them both in on what gad happened already.

"Have you told her?" Will asked.

"Told her what?" Jay replied.

"Told her that you know what she's going through?" His brother answered.

"It's not the same." Jay murmured. "I was thirteen and it's not like he actually, you know, had sex with me."

"That doesn't matter Jay." Will exclaimed. "You need to tell her."

"I'm not going to make this about me, William." Jay sneered. "She needs her strong and steady boyfriend. Not a skinny little boy who let that happen to him."

"Don't say that Jay." Will said. Guilt laced in his voice. "It wasn't your fault."

"Whatever. Anyways, I just needed to talk to my big brother. I don't know what to do, Will."

"Give her time." Is all Will said.

 **...**

Nat showed up at Erin's apartment five minutes after Jay had arrived. Erin was so grateful that she had Natalie. She would have called Kim, but she was on her honeymoon with Adam so that was out of question.

"Hey." Natalie greeted, pulling Erin into a hug.

"Hi." Erin squeaked.

"What happened?" Nat asked. "Jay is really upset."

"I know." Erin guiltily said. "I told him to leave."

"Why?" Nat questioned, sitting on the couch. "What happened?"

Erin sat down next to her. "I'm just fed up of everyone asking me if I'm okay. It all just got to me. He doesn't deserve this, Nat. I was trying to push him away."

"You should know by know that, that boy is completely smitten for you." Natalie exclaimed.

"I know but I can't even keep him satisfied. As this rate, Nat, I don't know if I'm ever going to have sex again." Erin explained.

"Erin." Nat sighed. "You just have to give it time."

 **...**

 **A/N: Oh my days, guys. I don't think I've ever written that much. I just could stop! Anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed, I'm not sure if I'm pleased with how it turned out. Please review! See you on Tuesday!**


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